Life; Monday

Life: Read directions thoroughly.

Upon adding/updating my beneficiaries for adult stuff (scary things they expect me to know about like 401k and life insurance now that I have a "grown-up" job) I was prompted to an initial page. Here, a highly convoluted message popped up about martial status with a "yes" and "no" button below.

For having been an English major, there is one thing everyone should know: I don't read well.

At least not in cases like this. I fail at anything remotely standardized. GRE? SAT? ACT? Fail. I skim through, and even if I do "read" it, I barely comprehend. So naturally upon selecting the yes or no, I click yes. Yes is usually the positive answer, the optimistic choice, and usually the one pertaining to me. So my eyes saw "married" and "not" and selected "Yes." Apparently yes is my knee-jerk. And then I realized that HR now thinks I'm married.

In an attempt to remedy the situation, I scoured the site, tried clicking back. No avail. Because my information now said "Married" it wouldn't allow me to add or change anything without including my spouse. Who neither exists, nor have I met.

So I utilized my morning break on the phone with HR. ...I accidentally clicked "yes"... No, I'm not married... I know I clicked yes, but no, I am not nor have I ever been married.

When you accidentally do things or you say you're married, your subconscious is not trying to tell you things. The only thing it may be trying to tell you is to slow down. You'd think that over twenty-four years, you would learn, but it's quite clear that you may never learn, as you keep on keepin' on like the stubborn bird you are. It's okay. As long as you continue to click "yes," at least we know you're consistent.

Life.

Friday.
Sage and apropos wisdom from my morning tea: "The whole life of man is but a point of time; let us enjoy it." -Plutarch

When people look to you for insight, consider that yes, you have lived a lot for your tender age. Your view is not unlike that of anyone else. Recall the existential issues you had when you were six years old; how you would continually ask your mother, "Why am I ME and not YOU?" Quandries were endless and pragmatism was not yet a thing. Continue this exploration. Don't ever forget that question, just as you'll never forget the time your mother dropped a bottle of nail polish on the ceramic floor when you were two.

Some things will never leave you; your idealisms are based in a grounded view of life, from your individual encounters and experiences; you can thank your parents for much of this.

Do bear in mind, when you advise peers to live spontaneously, to not allow yourself to live out your ideals vicariously through them. Sometimes, you should take your own advice. Be careless once in a while and live on whimsy. Allow your influences and outlook to be incorporated not only in your rhetoric but also in your living.

a note on categorization

Last year, my dear friend Christopher and I began categorizing our interactions as "Life" and "Living." We did this out of the realization that small exchanges were really quite astounding, that observations and comments can stand alone. The general catagory of "Life" sums up a blanket, a "this is life" sort of thing. Living is what happens in now, only when you are in motion. Which could be always. So these categories mean everything and perhaps nothing.

Our plan was to take these observational beauties and eventually make a book. We had pen names and all. Perhaps one day we will make this book. But in the meantime, I am utilizing these classifications for my everyday, to help me realize that "it's okay, this will probably mean something to you someday."

Life

Thursday.
Despite how resilient you think you are, you need more than five hours of sleep. Even though you used to do this quite regularly, you need a solid eight hours. Consider, you're getting older. You'll get through this, I promise.

living

Wednesday.
Today I woke up and felt alive. It feels remarkable to rise in the morning and not need anything. Almost three months has passed since I've had my routine coffee upon waking up. Coffee is now a novelty, no longer necessity.

Remember how it felt to make an outing specifically to smoke cigarettes and drink endless cups of coffee. You are a lot different from when you were seventeen. But recall that feeling of rebellion, of liberation, of living. You still have it, just let it happen.

catagorize under "life"

I made a promise to myself, in brevity, to put something in here each day. Here we go.

Today is Tuesday.
Don't forget to blow your candles out when you decide to fall asleep at 8:30. Be proud of your grown-up-good-night of sleep, but be mindful of your house. Remember, you love this house and all you keep in it.

Also, don't be alarmed that you did not know today's date. Although you are usually aware of the date and time, sometimes we all lose ourselves. This is why you bought a wrist watch. It has a box with the date in it. But don't be afraid if you forget to wear it, time will keep moving and you will continue to live.

A Wye Oak Monday

The start of a new week. I've stumbled quite heavily upon the new Wye Oak song "Civilian" and when I say heavily, you'll understand when you hear it. What a striking song; just stops you in your tracks. Anticipation for the April 5th Turf Club show is growing more every day.

http://soundcloud.com/cityslang/wye-oak-civilian

I am nothing without pretend
I know my thoughts
can't live with them
I am nothing without a man
I know my thoughts
but I can't hide them

I still keep my baby teeth
in the bedside table with my jewelry
you still sleep in the bed with me
my jewelry and my baby teeth

I don't need another friend
When most of them
I can barely keep up with them
Perfectly able to hold my own hair
but I still can't kiss my own neck

I wanted to give you everything
but I still stand in awe of superficial things
i wanted to love you like my mother's mother's mothers did
Civilian.