Monday, January 31, 2011

Life; Monday

Life: Read directions thoroughly.

Upon adding/updating my beneficiaries for adult stuff (scary things they expect me to know about like 401k and life insurance now that I have a "grown-up" job) I was prompted to an initial page. Here, a highly convoluted message popped up about martial status with a "yes" and "no" button below.

For having been an English major, there is one thing everyone should know: I don't read well.

At least not in cases like this. I fail at anything remotely standardized. GRE? SAT? ACT? Fail. I skim through, and even if I do "read" it, I barely comprehend. So naturally upon selecting the yes or no, I click yes. Yes is usually the positive answer, the optimistic choice, and usually the one pertaining to me. So my eyes saw "married" and "not" and selected "Yes." Apparently yes is my knee-jerk. And then I realized that HR now thinks I'm married.

In an attempt to remedy the situation, I scoured the site, tried clicking back. No avail. Because my information now said "Married" it wouldn't allow me to add or change anything without including my spouse. Who neither exists, nor have I met.

So I utilized my morning break on the phone with HR. ...I accidentally clicked "yes"... No, I'm not married... I know I clicked yes, but no, I am not nor have I ever been married.

When you accidentally do things or you say you're married, your subconscious is not trying to tell you things. The only thing it may be trying to tell you is to slow down. You'd think that over twenty-four years, you would learn, but it's quite clear that you may never learn, as you keep on keepin' on like the stubborn bird you are. It's okay. As long as you continue to click "yes," at least we know you're consistent.